Appearance isn’t Everything…

Living in today’s society sometimes makes me feel annoyed. Even angry. Why? Because there is always constant pressure to look better, to lose weight, to be skinnier, to have bigger boobs, a bigger bum… And then there are other people’s opinions. I’ve had people comment on my tattoos and how horrid they think they are (tattoos in general). Well good for you, but I love them, thanks. I’ve heared A LOT of people’s opinions in the past regarding people’s appearance. “Oh my god, look, she’s so overweight.” She looks amazing, have you never heard of plus size? Tess Holiday or Ashley Graham? STUNNING. I’ve heard people comment on another girl’s style because she chooses to wear vintage clothing. “Oh she looks ridiculous”. Really? I think she looks wicked. Or how about that girl who likes to colour her hair bright blue and has piercings. “She looks so ugly”. Ugly? She’s expressing herself and blue really is her colour. She’s rocking that septum piercing, too, wish I had the balls to do that! The list goes on. Lots of eye rolling from me and frustration with how some people think it’s ok to bring other’s down. Just for being themselves. What’s wrong with being able to be you?

I was looking at the online TV and Showbiz section of a popular newspaper (I like to see what the celebs are up to!) and I could feel myself comparing my post baby body to the women on there who have a flat, toned tummy (no mum tum in sight), sculpted arms and legs and a contoured face and cheekbones. I said something to Hubby, and his response was an eye roll along with “Babe, you’re beautiful as you are. Those people get paid to look like that, they have personal trainers and chefs. You’ve had a baby. You’re not fat!” That snapped me back to reality. Ok, so my body isn’t as it once was, I no longer have the body I did when I was 18. I have curves and a mum tum but I’m ten years older now and have the most amazing little girl. I have a different outlook on life now I have her. Most of the time I feel ok about my figure, besides, I’m happy and healthy. I don’t deny myself a bar of chocolate or a biscuit if I want one!

But then some idiot decides to put their two-penneth in. I meet an acquaintance in the street who I haven’t seen since having LL. We chat for a few minutes, then he goes right ahead and says “you’re a lot fuller in the face now!” I stood there utterly speechless. WTF?! Why would someone say that? I give him a funny look and say “I’ve had a baby.” He looks a little awkward and I make my excuses and walk off. Arsehole. It proper fucked me off. How insensitive. I’d love to have the face (and also the body) of Megan Fox but that’s in my dreams I’m afraid. I have a naturally round face and it’s a little more round now. So what? Why do people feel the need to body shame all the time? Too fat, too thin, etc. etc. etc.

The bottom line is what people think and say is just their opinion. I’m very anti bullying. Having been through it myself, being shouted and jeered at about how you look, I know how much the pain hurts, and the long term effects it can have on your life is soul destroying. You have to be happy with yourself, and you’ve every reason to be. You have to believe in yourself and you’ve every reason to be able to do that. I’m too hard on myself. About so many things. I look at old photos sometimes and think “I looked great, I wish I had my old body back,” but then I see beyond that at the more important things. So why are we so obsessed with how we look?

Today I met a lady who has a facial birthmark. We got talking about make up and she told me how she struggles every day with her appearance. As I listened to her story my heart sank. She explained that her parents had tried everything to get rid of her birthmark, and as she’d grown up she’d had the same outlook. She never felt she could be accepted in society, and she said even now, in her 60’s, she still gets stares from people. Why? I just don’t get that. She was in hospital as a toddler having operations to try and remove it, (she said one surgeon advised they inject glue into it) and has basket fulls of foundation and make up to try and cover it. She said she wears a scarf when she’s out and holds her hand up to her face when people talk to her. She likes short hair but keeps hers long so she can cover her face. I felt so sad. Here was a lovely lady, with a warm, friendly personality, beautiful eyes and hair, and she was consumed with feeling like she was inadequate because of her birthmark. I just wanted to give her a big hug and tell her that she is good enough. It made me think about everything I’ve written in this post.

I don’t presume to know how she, or anyone else with a different physical appearance, feels. They have to do what feels right for them. But what I personally feel and see is that every single one of us is unique. There is only one of you and you are special. Everything you are born with is part of you. I told her this and she said she wished everyone was like me and had the same outlook. I’ve met so many people in my life who look “different”, and it just doesn’t occur to me that they are. I just see the whole person, they’re eyes, they’re smile, they’re personality and outlook on life. I just hope most people can see the same, too, and encourage them to shine like the stars.

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